The Royal “We”

In my classroom, I try my best to make sure that every child feels supported. I consider the things that are little to me and big to them (like loose teeth) and make sure that I stay open-minded remembering that my students are very young. I am very conscientious that I’m not redirecting the same student in a way that other students begin to stay away from them. I promote this by using “we” in most of my instruction.

We have a messy hallway that we need to clean up together. In my mind, I don’t know how these parents survive the winter with the way their kids lose outdoor clothing, it’s like their gloves disappear into thin air! We have desks we need to wipe down. In my mind, because a bunch of you draw on them when I’m not looking and I am still trying to come up with a plan to stop all of you. We need to make sure we…We have to fix the problem…We need to help each other…We need to talk to our grownups about…We are sharing our tools…We are a team. You get the gist.

One year, I implemented the WE strategy with a handsome, blonde-hair, blue-eyed, bold-personality-boy that I’ll refer to as Johnny. I started this immediately because I noticed his peers were quick to blame things on him (most of the time they were right), but they also talked to him in a different tone. When this happened, Johnny was crushed. I thought for sure he’s just being stubborn and instead of changing his ways, he’s acting like the child that they are treating him like. So I went to redirect him and out of my mouth came the same tone of his peers’. Oh. They learned it from me. Shit. I need to fix this immediately. 

I began complimenting Johnny on all the things he did right in front of the class. I was passing out PBIS tickets (Positive Behavior Intervention System? Supports? Both? There are so many acronyms to remember…) but not to be mistaken with PBS and the original logo. When Johnny needed a redirection, I would tell him quietly so the other kids would begin to change the way they treated him. Therefore, he’d change his ways as a product of his more positive environment. 🙌🏼It worked beautifully!

Until Johnny fell in love. Little Suzy was a beautiful, strawberry-blonde cowgirl. I had taught her two older brothers and enjoyed her family. They kept telling me that I needed to brace myself for when Suzy became my student. I saw what they meant immediately. She was going to be the next Beth from Yellowstone if I didn’t wrangle in her some of her manipulative antics.

Suzy knew Johnny was in love with her. She probably knew it before he did and somehow rushed it along. All of Johnny’s behaviors began again. All of his behaviors were encouraged by Suzy who was still in a power struggle with me for reigning in some of her choices. Suzy would say jump and Johnny would ask how high. For the life of me, I could not get Johnny to stop doing whatever she told him to do. And Suzy knew it. The entire class knew. We need to make sure Johnny isn’t distracted by Suzy. Suzy must’ve been in heaven knowing how much control she had over the situation.

Side note: Suzy and I were not battling for power all year. We had a great relationship and we still do. Her parents are wonderful and I have the honor of teaching their youngest son this school year. Future blog post: Remind me to tell you about the time she brought me coffee to school.

Johnny changed his behavior when Suzy became the apple of his eye. So who could change his behavior again? His mother. That’s right. I went the parent-route. I love a good behavior intervention collaboration with parents. When it’s successful, it’s the fastest way to make lasting change. All adults on the same page holding Johnny accountable for his choices. He has no way out of it anymore! Future blog post: Remind me to tell you about several of his attempts. 

I realized the quickest way for Johnny to change is to have him think I would be contacting his parents. And I did. They saw some of the same type of choices happening at home and were so supportive of talking with him about it and I left it up to them if they wanted to have an additional consequence at home. Just knowing that his parents and I would talk, was enough of a redirect for him. 

One day, I’d had enough and I sent him to the principal’s office. It wasn’t a big thing that happened; it was that his repeated distracted behavior was giving the appearance to other kids that I no longer had control and I needed to remove him before it had a bigger impact. The principal and I had been in touch about Johnny’s changes and I knew the principal would have my back and I trusted the way he would handle it, or approach him with a post-it note list of things for feedback. 🤓

Johnny returned to the classroom after recess. He walked right up to me and apologized. I thanked him and asked how his conversation with the principal went. He replied, “Good news, he’s not going to call OUR parents.” 🤦🏼‍♀️