When Work Brain Hijacks Family Time
My parents are aging and it’s awful. They’re not awful. Knowing they’re aging is awful. To me, they’re still the hard-working family-oriented parents that they were to me when I was 7. I knew I needed to solidify a transition routine when I couldn’t focus on what they were saying in conversations. No, I’m not tuning them out when they talk about the birds at the bird feeders or what they’re having for supper. I love those conversations. It’s calming. They’re living the American Dream. I’m so happy for them. Their conversations remind me of what I’m working hard for: the days that I get to relax with my husband and my only concern is where those twin fawns have been since we haven’t seen them drinking out of the bird bath since last week.
There was one school year when it was so stressful (ok maybe a handful of years) that the conversations with them were no longer calming. They were filling me in on important things happening in their lives and I couldn’t remember anything they were saying. My husband would ask how they were doing and I could only remember my emotion behind what they told me. My response was something like, “They’re doing really well, enjoying retirement,” or “I’m really worried about them, they have a doctors’ appointment coming up.” And yet, I couldn’t regurgitate what the appointment was for or even who it was for! My mom would send me sweet texts in the morning wishing me to have a good day and I couldn’t even open them until just before bed or sometimes the next morning.
They were always understanding, saying that they knew I was busy. But I didn’t want to be so busy that I couldn’t even keep track of what was happening. I didn’t want teaching to take up so much of my mental space. Well, I did want it to take up some time because I am so passionate about it. I didn’t want it to because I also wanted to show that same love and attention to my parents.
Do all careers pull you in different directions? I don’t even have kids and I feel pulled in plenty of directions. I want to fulfill my passion investing time in being a better teacher and I want to enjoy my personal life as well. I was exhausted from trying to find a “healthy balance.” Is it a “me” issue? Or is it teaching?
